How Cliché!
by Nails For Biting
Summary: This is supposed to be stupid, and very OOC. Topics your stories probably SHOULDN'T be. T for future topics.
1. Edward leaves! LE GASP!

_This cliché is that "Edward leaves Bella again, they meet 20 years later" cliché. Listen to me, people. EDWARD WILL NOT LEAVE AGAIN. Period!_

_By the way, this is meant to be stupid, and very OOC._

**How Cliché! **

I woke up in the morning and rolled over. Like always, I fell out of bed. But this time, something wasn't missing. I opened my eyes and looked around. "Edward?" I called. No answer. I untangled myself from the blankets, confused. I saw a note lying on the bed. I picked it up and read it.

"_Bella,_

_I am sorry, but I have suddenly – after promising you I'd stay with you for eternity, and PROPOSING to you, decided I would up and leave because I don't love you._

_Not yours anymore,_

_Edward"_

I stared at the note in disbelief and shock.

Life was over. It was meaningless.

I went to La Push. No, not to see Jake, to jump off the cliff. I drove my truck up the winding path. I parked my truck near the cliff and put my suicide letter in the seat. Because I'm emo, of course. I write them all the time. Duh.

I jumped off the cliff. No one noticed me though, even though I was screaming. Before I hit the water, I was caught my two very strong, cold arms. Then I felt pain in my ankles, my wrists, and my neck.

It's 20 years later, and I am a vampire. A vampire named Oomfoofo changed me. He died, though..

I decided I would move back to Forks. And guess what?! As I was moving in, I saw EDWARD! He looked at me in shock, and then cried. How did he cry? I have no idea.

"Bella, I lied again! I love you! Please take me back!"

I stared blankly at him.

".. No."

_DUHM DUHM DUHMMM!_


	2. Truth or Dare! Uhhhh

_Okay. This chapter is "Truth or Dare"._

_Like I said in the first chapter, they're OOC and this is supposed to be stupid. And, by the way, I'm also making fun of authors who have Edward as the mean guy, and Emmett as the idiot._

**How Cliché!**

"Come _on_, Bella!" Alice whined at me. "Let's play Truth or Dare, even though it's a complete waste of time, and as immortals we have better things to do. And in the end, you'll make one of us eat human food or something of the sort, while you'll be embarrassed the hole time!"

I sighed an agreed.

"Don't be so stupid, Bella! This will be fun!" Edward exclaimed and rushed down the stairs without me. I sighed again, and descended down the stairs. Emmett was sitting on the couch, shoving a vase in his mouth, making noises that sounded like "Uhhhhhhhhhh".

Emmett saw me and smiled and took the vase out of his mouth. Rosalie whacked him upside the head with her purse.

In the end, we'd all been embarrassed, Edward hated me, Emmett got more brain damage, and the Cullen's friend Oomfoofoo was now my legal husband.

THE END!


	3. AIM Ding! You have stupidity!

I've gotten many requests to do different clichés, and my favorite that I'm doing first is "AIM". By the way!!! Go over to my other stories and check them out. I love my story "Self Hatred, Self Torture".

_I'm sure you'll be able to figure out the screen names, but if not, here they are: _

_Edward: Somedirectquotefromthebook_

_Emmett: Somethingthatifahumanactuallyread,wouldgivetheCullensaway_

_Bella: Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward_

_And now, on with the funny!_

**How Cliché!**

Somedirectquotefromthebook has signed on.

Somethingthatifahumanactuallyread,wouldgivetheCullensaway has signed on.

Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward has signed on.

Somethingaboutshopping has signed on

Somedirectquotefromthebook says: Bella! How I miss thee! And even though I _do_ have immortality, and super-speed, I am too lazy, obviously, to actually come and see you! sob

Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward says : Stfu Edward, I'm with Ooomfoofoo.

Somedirectquotefromthebook: WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON'T?!?

Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward : A messed up afro.

Ooomfoofoo has signed on.

Oomfoofoo : D I LOVES YOU BELLZ!

Oomfoofoo has signed off.

Somethingthatifahumanactuallyread,wouldgivetheCullensaway : laughs like a moron Huhuhuh, stupid human with afro funny!

SomethingtodowithSHOPPING: Shut up, Emmett.

Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward : I'm going to change my name.

Somethingthatisverymushy,andhastodowithlovingEdward has signed off.

Oomfoofoolover has signed on.

Oomfoofoolover : DON'T YOU ALL LOVE IT?!

Everyone except Bella : …

Everyone except Bella : signs off

Ooomfoofoolover : You all suck.

THE END!


	4. Bella Chooses Jake, Boooo!

Hey, peoples. This one is "Bella leaves Edward for Jacob". Listen to me. BELLA LOVES EDWARD – NOT JACOB. THE END.

**How Cliché!**

As I fell asleep, I was thinking about my options. Like Jake said. I missed Jake.

But I also missed Oomfoofoo.

I saw a figure outside of my window.. I noticed.. an afro? I waved. "Oomfoofoo!" He smiled a grin with only three teeth and left.

I sighed and grabbed my keys. I had to go see Jake.

As I drove, I picked up my cell and called Edward. "I don't love you Edward. See ya." And I hung up the phone.

I pulled into Jakes drive and knocked on the door. Jake answered, "IloveyouJakemarryme!"

"But what about Oomfoofoo?"

"Oh.. yeah.."

"Sorry, Jake!" I said as I jumped onto Oomfoofoo's back – who appeared out of no where. And then we ran off to Afro – land.


	5. A baby? Stupid,Stupid,Stupid

_Due to popular request, this cliché is, "Edward and Bella have a child." _

_Enjoy!!_

**How Cliché!**

… Oh no.

Even though it's physically impossible, I was pregnant. How? I don't know.

I sighed and turned the key in the ignition. I had to tell the Cullens. Most importantly, Edward.

As I drove, I had the time to think. About my life.. and cheese.

I arrived in front of the house and warily walked up to the door, and knocked.

"Bella?" I heard a voice call.

"Yes, it's me, Alice. I need to talk to Edward?"

"Okay.. he's in his room."

I walked up the stairs and turned left, and stopped in front of Edward's door. I knocked softly.

He opened the door, and I stared at him. "Edward.."

"Yes, Bella?"

"I'm pregnant."

"… No, you're not, Bella."

"Yes, I am!"

"… IT'S OOMFOOFOO ISN'T IT?!"

"… No, no Edward… he's only my husband in Africa and Afro-land."

"Oh. Well, Bella, dear.. you do realize.."

"Yes?"

"That you're a vampire?"

"… oh, yeah.."

"And, we didn't do anything,"

"…oh, yeah."

Edward mumbled "Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.."

THE END!


	6. In order for there to be more chapters

I seem to have run out of ideas for clichés. SO, review with suggestions of ones I haven't done yet, and I PROMISE that I will make this next one LONG. At least 1,000 words. So, please, review with what you want, and I'll make it happen!

Thanks!

Mary Alice Brandon (Cullen Whitlock) Hale


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